i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And then he peed in my hair
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