You really coming over, don't trick.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
