is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
