Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Randomize
