For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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