Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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