I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
