I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
