I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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