Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
