Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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