So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
