"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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