We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
