I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
