Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
