But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
