i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
