If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
