Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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