I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
