Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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