I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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