She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
