I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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