You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
