we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
