Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
