You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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