my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
