i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize