I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We need a shit load of segways right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize