Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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