it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize