I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
