If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
