he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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