I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize