You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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