She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
