I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Every concussion has its silver lining
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
