im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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