Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
