I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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