Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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