what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
