Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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