This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
