i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
