Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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