Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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