Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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