oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
