Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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