shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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