What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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