I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
