Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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