I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish there were birth control emojis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
