I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
