the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
