yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
