People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
