i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
