last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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