I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
