He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
